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The Reluctant Carer: Dispatches from the Edge of Life Hardcover – 23 Jun. 2022

by The Reluctant Carer (Author)

43 ratings

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'Incredible. One of those rare books that should be dispensed on prescription to every household.' - Lucy Easthope, author of When the Dust Settles
'Hilarious, bitter, poignant and profound . . . like an existential soap opera - only with more laughs.' - Philip Hoare, author of Leviathan

It was the kind of phone call we all dread. Your elderly father has been admitted to hospital. Your even older mum is now at home alone. The answer? Simple. Drop everything, go back and help. The reality? Not so straightforward. Suddenly, you’re a kid again, stranded in the overheated house you grew up in. Soon they need you 24/7. And you want to help, of course you do. But now your own life starts to unravel almost as quickly as their health. And then there is nowhere else to go.

In between bouts of washing, feeding, cooking and fighting there are times that test you, days where everything goes wrong and moments when everyone, miraculously rises to the occasion. And amidst all of that, this strange second childhood offers up a shot at redemption - if you can just stop everyone from falling down.

Irresistibly funny, unflinching and deeply moving, this is a love letter to family and friends, to carers and to anyone who has ever packed a small bag intent on staying for just a few days. This is a true story of what it really means to be a carer, and of the ties that bind even tighter when you least expect it. This is The Reluctant Carer.

Print length

320 pages
Language

English
Publisher

Picador
Publication date

23 Jun. 2022
Reading age

18 years and up
Dimensions

14.5 x 3.3 x 22.5 cm
ISBN-10

152902935X
ISBN-13

978-1529029352
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From the Publisher

Product description

Review

Blissfully well written . . . This is a wonderful book: funny, moving, real and brutally honest. Every child of ageing parents should snap up a copy. Every ageing parent should probably read it, too. Far better to look at the slippery slope from the top than when you're already halfway down … ― Daily Mail

It's the wisest, funniest, bravest and most essential life story I've read. I bloody love this book. -- Frank Cottrell-Boyce

Brave, unflinching and funny . . . This is a troubling but important read; an honest, warts and all glimpse into the reality of unpaid caring. It left me full of respect for those who care and seething that the system isn’t giving them the support and encouragement they so obviously need. -- Jan Carson ― The Irish Times

An astonishing and crucial memoir exploring the outer limits of familial love. The Reluctant Carer recounts a personal nightmare any of us could face with humour, heart and total honesty, asking vital questions of elderly care, where we’re at now, and where, one day, we will all be. How it’s as funny as it is moving is beyond me. I loved this book -- David Whitehouse, author of About A Son

Simultaneously delightfully funny and profoundly sad, the RC's book is a tonic that should be prescribed on the NHS for carers everywhere. ― TLS

Incredible. One of those rare books that should be dispensed on prescription to every household - captures the full glossary of emotion that goes with this role. -- Lucy Easthope, author of When the Dust Settles

I absolutely loved this book. Moving and real, as well as splutter-your-tea funny, it's a clear-eyed, intimate description of what old age is really like, and what it's like trying to care for the old. It knocked me sideways. -- Miranda Sawyer

As funny as it is moving and poetic, The Reluctant Carer marries the forensic honesty of Karl Ove Knausgaard with the dry wit of Alan Bennett, and is every bit as good as that sounds. -- Will Storr, author of The Science of Storytelling

Compellingly written, addictive to read, The Reluctant Carer turns the demands of compassion into dark farce. Hilarious, bitter, poignant and profound, this is the human condition laid brilliantly bare, like an existential soap opera - only with more laughs. The author relays the trauma of ageing parents - and the decisions so many of us have to face - with honesty, empathy, and absolute integrity. This is the funniest, most touching book I've read in years; it will, quite frankly, break your heart. -- Philip Hoare, author of Leviathan

About the Author

The author is a writer and teacher and lives in South East England.

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Product details

Publisher ‏ : ‎ Picador; Main Market edition (23 Jun. 2022)
Language ‏ : ‎ English
Hardcover ‏ : ‎ 320 pages
ISBN-10 ‏ : ‎ 152902935X
ISBN-13 ‏ : ‎ 978-1529029352
Reading age ‏ : ‎ 18 years and up
Dimensions ‏ : ‎ 14.5 x 3.3 x 22.5 cm

Best Sellers Rank: 10,806 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- 2 in General Practice Nursing
- 2 in Patient Home Care
- 49 in Aging

Customer reviews:
43 ratings

Customer reviews

5 star		82%
4 star		12%
3 star		6%
2 star 0% (0%)		0%
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Top reviews from United Kingdom

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Norman Housley

A wonderfully funny but bleak reading experience

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 21 July 2022

Verified Purchase

‘The Reluctant Carer’ is a first-person account in diary form of how one 47-year-old man found himself caring for his very old (87 and 88) and very dependent parents at a time of crisis in his own life. These circumstances, plus the narrator’s high level of education and fine sense of irony, create a narrative that combines side-splitting humour with almost unbearable sadness, in the process offering insight into the numerous problems thrown up by end of life care. This is an extraordinary achievement, and the book deserves to become a classic. Having said that, I did find myself asking at times why the author, whose parents were comfortably off, did not from the start arrange residential care for his father, since it quickly becomes apparent that he was beyond a home-based solution.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 24 July 2022

Verified Purchase

Hilariously bleak. the final stations on the road to nowhere accurately mapped and described, sparing nobody. Full of heart, love, despair and wonder in the face of what comes for us all, but is often not fully faced, even when it's at the end of your nose. If there is such a thing as a must read, this is it.

2 people found this helpful

Helpful

Jean Burbidge

Honest, heartwarming personal account

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 28 June 2022

Verified Purchase

Warts and all. Well remembered and illuminating account of the “circus of care” needed by his elderly parents. Will resonate with anyone trying to juggle the complex and often changing needs of different generations.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Mindymode

A masterpiece - my book of the year.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 18 July 2022

Verified Purchase

Every page is either funny, profound or both. I'm in complete awe over how the anonymous author can write so brilliantly and compassionately on the subject of looking after his frail, elderly parents. Every page is a joy to read.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 1 July 2022

Verified Purchase

What an incredible book. If you read one book this year, let it be this one.

One person found this helpful

Helpful

Sarah

Funny, sad, honest, reality. Loved it.

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 13 July 2022

Verified Purchase

I absolutely loved this book. Anybody who has been a carer for an elderly parent/relative will empathise with the mixed emotions and exhaustion, both mental and physical, it brings. I laughed and cried. An amazing book

Helpful

Maria Power

Hilarious, touching, moving, very true to life

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 23 June 2022

I purchased this book after reading excerpts from the Times on Sunday magazine.
I can honestly say, I’ve just had my experience’s unfold before me in the pages of this hilarious book. My husband and I, lost both parents in two years, and not out shopping may I add.we both went through every single emotion in this book.It’s the best book I’ve purchased in a long while, and I would definitely, definitely, recommend to anyone. It’s warm, funny, heartbreaking, so true to life. Unfortunately we don’t get to know who the author is,obvs, they have their reasons, but it’s a shame. Nonetheless, loved every page.

10 people found this helpful

Helpful

Joseph

Funny, sad and oh so true to life…….

Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 27 June 2022

Having been through a similar experience with elderly parents and parents in law the only way to get through it is with this sort of black humour. This is so brilliantly written and ‘laugh out loud’ in so many places. I’ve already recommended and bought it for several of my friends who are/were in similar circumstances. I hope it becomes a huge bestseller and the author’s identity is revealed (and he makes enough money to have a comfortable afterlife 😂) It will come. He deserves to be proud of his work and the fact that it’s made many of us feel better about ourselves for letting the odd bit of bitterness slip out now and then.

3 people found this helpful

Helpful

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