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The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (and Your Children Will Be Glad That You Did): THE #1 SUNDAY TIMES BESTSELLER Paperback – 31 Dec. 2020
Philippa Perry (Author) See search results for this author |
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THE #1 SUNDAY TIMESBESTSELLER
From the UK's favourite therapist, as seen on Channel 4's Grayson's Art Club.
'A wonderful book' Richard Osman
'So clear and true ... Helpful for all relationships in life' Nigella Lawson
'A fascinating read on the emotional baggage we all carry' Elizabeth Day
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How can we have better relationships?
In this Sunday Times bestseller, leading psychotherapist Philippa Perry reveals the vital do's and don'ts of relationships. This is a book for us all. Whether you are interested in understanding how your upbringing has shaped you, looking to handle your child's feelings or wishing to support your partner, you will find indispensable information and realistic tips in these pages. Philippa Perry's sane, sage and judgement-free advice is an essential resource on how to have the best possible relationships with the people who matter to you most.
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'It gave me hope as a new parent' Babita Sharma
'This has genuinely had such a positive impact on my life and my relationship with my daughter' Josh Widdicombe
'She writes with an inquisitive elegance rarely found in parenting guides ... it is forgiving and persuasive' Hadley Freeman, the Guardian
'Philippa Perry is one of the wisest, most sane and secure people I've ever met' Decca Aitkenhead, Sunday Times Magazine
- Print length272 pages
- LanguageEnglish
- PublisherPenguin Life
- Publication date31 Dec. 2020
- Dimensions12.9 x 1.7 x 19.8 cm
- ISBN-100241251028
- ISBN-13978-0241251027
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Review
I don't have kids but [this book] is a fascinating read on the emotional baggage we all carry ― Elizabeth Day, How to Fail podcast
The Easter holidays were a complete joy because of your book - I feel about a trillion times more relaxed and connected as a parent and I have also found it very helpful for my sobriety and recovery ― Bryony Gordon
EVERY parent should read this book, however old their child. In fact, any adult in a relationship should read it too. Distilled in less than 250 pages is a road map to healthy relationships. Required reading ― Express
Not got kids? It doesn't matter, as the wonderful psychotherapist Philippa Perry's latest book is actually about using our pasts to understand ourselves (...) it's also an excellent book for reminding yourself: life is hard and you're doing your best - so try not to beat yourself up for everyday mistakes ― Stylist
So clear and true ... can't stop recommending it to people ... helpful for all relationships in life, not just parent-child ― Nigella Lawson
Not got kids? It doesn't matter, as the wonderful psychotherapist Philippa Perry's latest book is actually about using our pasts to understand ourselves and how we react to situations that test our patience and emotions. She explains that these sharp reactions might well be down to what happened in our childhoods - and the flashpoints that these emotions can stir up makes for fascinating reading whether you're actively parenting or not. It's also an excellent book for reminding yourself: life is hard and you're doing your best - so try not to beat yourself up for everyday mistakes ― Stylist
If you're determinedly not a self-help kind of reader (like me), make an exception for [this book]. And if you're not a parent, don't dismiss it. The message is one of non-judgemental kindness. The sophisticated psychoanalytical version of my "count to ten and then say something kind" advice to my kids (and myself) when things start to fall apart ― Vogue
As a mother of a three year old, I have an aversion to the endless saccharine social-media posts about parenting. Perry's book is the antithesis of all that - practical and logical ― Elle
Philippa Perry goes through each stage of parenthood, from pregnancy to the teen years, suggesting emotional techniques that will help you to have a strong and healthy relationship with your babies and yourself ― Mother & Baby
It gave me hope as a new parent that whatever learnt behaviour you've got from your mum and dad (...) you can learn from that but it doesn't have to stay with you ― Babita Sharma, BBC News
In fact, I'd say Philippa Perry is one of the wisest, most sane and secure people I've ever met ― Decca Aitkenhead, Sunday Time Magazine
she writes with an inquisitive elegance rarely found in parenting guides (...) the book is still firm with parents but also forgiving (...) it is forgiving and persuasive - God, it's persuasive. I've yet to meet a parent who hasn't altered their parenting to some degree after reading it, myself included
― Hadley Freeman, the GuardianI'm going to be honest Philippa, this has genuinely had such a positive impact on my life and my relationship with my daughter - so thank you very much for that ― Josh Widdicombe
A wise book on parents and children ― The Times
The main message is that is that it's best to acknowledge, rather than dismiss, children's feelings (...) and that parenting is not about perfection ― i Newspaper
I've had the most wonderful feedback from this episode. People stopping me on the street to say how much they've love the book's advice. Philippa's wisdom and delivery has resonated with many parents out there. I can't thank her enough for her time and energy ― Happy Place podcast
It is like a letter from a wise friend who happens to have done years of research (...) I am grateful for it ― Aida Edemariam, The Guardian
A wise book on parents and children ― Saturday Times
The main message is that is that it's best to acknowledge, rather than dismiss, children's feelings (...) and that parenting is not about perfection ― iWeekend
About the Author
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Product details
- Publisher : Penguin Life; 1st edition (31 Dec. 2020)
- Language : English
- Paperback : 272 pages
- ISBN-10 : 0241251028
- ISBN-13 : 978-0241251027
- Dimensions : 12.9 x 1.7 x 19.8 cm
- Best Sellers Rank: 71 in Books (See Top 100 in Books)
- Customer reviews:
About the author

After volunteering with the Samaritans, Philippa trained as a psychotherapist. She worked in the mental health field for several years before writing her graphic novel, Couch Fiction which lays bare the process of psychotherapy, published by Palgrave Macmillan in 2010. Her second book, How to Stay Sane, was written for a series published by the School of Life and Pan Macmillan in 2012. Her third book, The Book You Wish Your Parents Had Read (And Your Children Will be Glad That You Did) will be published by Penguin Life in April 2019.
As well as continuing her psychotherapy work with an organisation called Talk for Health, Philippa has presented several documentaries including: The Truth about Children Who Lie; The Age of Emotion; and Humiliation for BBC Radio 4. For Channel 4 she has presented the documentaries: Being Bipolar; and The Great British Sex Survey. For BBC4 she has written and presented: Truth Lies and Love Bites, a history of Agony Aunts, and How To Be A Surrealist with Philippa Perry. Along with this, Philippa also created a cartoon agony aunt series for Guardian Video and has contributed to many other radio and television programs.
She lives in London with her husband the artist, Grayson Perry and they have a grown up daughter, the writer and illustrator, Flo Perry.
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Reviewed in the United Kingdom on 11 March 2019
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Perry lays out her methods and thoughts very gently, with lots of good examples from real life, little case studies; but it’s the insights which really help. Looking at WHY we lose our rag about certain trigger bits of parenting - going back to our own childhoods and looking at why - OH MY GOD. Brilliant.
There’s also so much help here about FIXING those situations once you as the parent have cocked up. Rupture / repair, as she puts it.
And also advice on how to manage your parental situations better. When your kid says look at this, LOOK AT IT. I know that sounds sort of obvious but often I will say “hang on a sec I’m making dinner” etc. I feel like from now on I will do that differently because it doesn’t take two seconds to run and look. And the response you get is ♥️
I found it readable, funny, thoughtful, insightful, but most of all INCREDIBLY useful and, very very very rare for a book, genuinely life-changing.

By emma who reads a lot on 11 March 2019
Perry lays out her methods and thoughts very gently, with lots of good examples from real life, little case studies; but it’s the insights which really help. Looking at WHY we lose our rag about certain trigger bits of parenting - going back to our own childhoods and looking at why - OH MY GOD. Brilliant.
There’s also so much help here about FIXING those situations once you as the parent have cocked up. Rupture / repair, as she puts it.
And also advice on how to manage your parental situations better. When your kid says look at this, LOOK AT IT. I know that sounds sort of obvious but often I will say “hang on a sec I’m making dinner” etc. I feel like from now on I will do that differently because it doesn’t take two seconds to run and look. And the response you get is ♥️
I found it readable, funny, thoughtful, insightful, but most of all INCREDIBLY useful and, very very very rare for a book, genuinely life-changing.




All very valid points and tips; some are basic common sense but quite a lot that are just not achievable day to day. It also doesn’t really consider other lifestyles either just rounds everyone up as the same. All very well talking about co-sleeping etc. But some families aren’t able to facilitate that due to shiftwork, etc. Also long term lack of sleep can have a hugely physical & mental detrimental affect on everyone in the household, especially the child but there was nothing to acknowledge that. It’s all a bit idealistic. Parenting is very different for everyone; due to culture, finance, support etc.
It’s really clear that the author has only one child because the message about meeting your child’s needs and listening to them one on one when they have meltdowns etc. is quite achievable with one child (I remember the days of one!!). But not so much with three (especially if they’re all having a melt-down at the same time). The story of her sitting with her daughter on the pavement to meet at her level just tickled me. I have 2 school runs and then work straight after, so sitting and reflecting on the pavement every time one of my children have a morning outburst is not going to happen. And that summarises the book for me, all very lovely in theory but practically it is a bit unrealistic.
The message was one of blame I think, if you get annoyed with your child it’s because it highlights something in your childhood. I’m sure that is sometimes true, however sometimes kids are just annoying(?!) sometimes they’re mean and greedy or rude and spoilt. The idea that you can’t challenge that is a bit ridiculous.
Can’t say I’ve taken much away from it really, the tone was too patronising and the content a bit too vague & middle class.